Big Brother
by ZebbieCullen
Summary: Jasper and Bella talk about what happened on her birthday and her blood lust after her change. Jasper's POV. One-shot. Second in my Bella/Cullen bonding series.


_A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and all mistakes are mine. Second in my Bella/Cullen bonding series, as we never really get much of a view on Bella's relationship with her future family. The first one is told from Carlisle's POV. This one is told from Jasper's POV. BTW, I can't remember where Jasper was when Edward found out about Bella's cliff diving episode in New Moon, but for the sake of the fic he was there with him. I hope you like it, let me know what you think!_

"Not long now, eh?" I asked whilst searching for an ice pack in the rarely used freezer.

"What?" she asked, her tone soft and clueless. I chuckled silently at her expression.

I removed her hand from her head and pressed the ice against it. She flinched at the cold slightly, but whether it was from my hand or the ice I don't know. There probably wasn't much difference in the temperature. I took a step back, being careful not to get to close to her for too long and stopped breathing, not that it mattered to me. I didn't need oxygen to live anymore; I hadn't in several decades. The sweet, mouth-watering aroma of fresh human blood lingered, but at least it wasn't as strong or potent as it had been.

I smiled, my white teeth gleaming in the light. "Until Edward changes you of course."

Understanding crossed her face and she smiled back. I felt a wave of emotions hit me all at once. Excitement, that she would finally leave her human life behind and have eternity with Edward, the man she loved. Impatience, wishing that the day could come sooner. A small amount of fear – for the actual change itself, or the wedding? But mostly joy, the fact that she would no longer be an extra wheel, she would well and truly fit in afterwards.

Whenever the subject was brought up in the presence of the others, the emotions got too much. There was so many different ones. Alice's feelings were similar to those of Bella's; she was ecstatic and couldn't wait to have her as an official sister. Rosalie was hard to decipher. A part of her was still shocked and angry that Bella was choosing to give up her human life, but anxious to get it over with so that she could develop their relationship. She wasn't as bad as people often thought. She meant well, her intentions were good, it was just her methods that were sometimes questionable. Emmett and Bella had formed a bond that was hard to understand, I supposed they were verbal sparring partners. He admires her and cares for her, but will cease any opportunity to tease her. Everyone found it quite cute when she blushed. The only feeling coming from Esme and Carlisle was love; they already considered her their daughter.

It was obvious that Edward was opposed to the idea of changing her into a vampire. He was terrified of the pain he would cause her; he was dreading it as much as she was looking forward to it. They truly completed each other. He believed that he would not only take her life, but her soul and that tore him apart. I'm not entirely sure what I believed when it came to a vampire's soul, but I knew that we had to have _something. _The love that radiated from him was overwhelming. I was with him when he found out what Alice had seen – Bella jumping off a cliff. He believed her to be dead, the anguish and pain he felt was astonishing, like nothing I had ever felt before. I couldn't even be around him to try and calm him; I couldn't think straight, it was that powerful.

"To be honest, I'll be glad when the whole thing is over," she said, leaning back in the chair, her long mahogany hair cascading down her back. "I love Alice, but she is taking the whole wedding planning thing way to seriously."

I smiled again, my amusement reflecting in my honey coloured eyes. "I thought a girls wedding day was meant to be the best day of her life," I teased, knowing full well how she felt about it.

Her nose crinkled in the same way it did when she blushed. "Jasper, I can barely take two steps at a time without falling over. Now imagine me in heels, a long dress and an aisle. I'll be lucky if I don't break anything – Charlie included."

I chuckled at the mentally image of her slipping and taking her father down with her. One thing was for sure: it was a day that wasn't going to be forgotten.

"You'll be fine," I assured her, but I'm not sure how convincing I sounded. Edward was much better at this sort of thing. You'd think that, what with my ability, I wouldn't mind talking about feelings, but I hated discussing them as much as the next guy, especially as I don't need to to know what people are feeling. "How's your head?" I asked.

She tripped down the stairs and had hit her head on the railing. Thank God she wasn't bleeding, only bruised. Edward and Emmett were out hunting, I'd given him a call and he was on his way back, he was only a few minutes out. Carlisle was at work and the girls were out shopping for the impending wedding, leaving me alone to entertain the guest. We both share a love for books, so we'd been reading silently in my room, waiting for the others to return. She needed to go to the bathroom and excused herself. She almost made it, but slipped on the last flight of stairs.

"To me, a bruise is nothing," the sad thing was, it was true. "It could have been worse."

I sighed and closed my eyes, unwillingly casting my mind back to her eighteenth birthday party. The day I had nearly killed her and all because she got a paper cut.

She must have read my body language, as I felt her tense, her heartbeat quickening ever so slightly. "Jasper, I'm sorry, I didn't mean –"

"It's alright," I cut her off mid sentence. That event wasn't one I cared to relive if possible. I just couldn't shake the guilt that it was my fault that Edward almost died. If I'd never lashed out at her, Edward never would have left, she would never have gone cliff diving, Alice would never have had the vision and Edward never would have gone to Italy. I tried not to think about what would have happened if Emmett hadn't have held me back that day.

"No it's not," she whispered, but it was as clear as if she spoken or shouted the words.

I was getting better at controlling my blood lust, being around Bella more often helped a bit. She smelled just like any other human – completely edible. It probably also helped that her scent was always in the house, even when she wasn't. It clung to the furniture and clothing; I'd had time to get used to it. In a few short weeks she would officially become my sister, in more ways than one. She and Edward were getting married; I just had to keep reminding myself that killing her would kill him. She'd brought so much light into his dark life, which in turn brought light into ours. He was no longer a hard, cold being (fugitively of course) that shut everyone out – a shadow of his former self. He'd smiled more in this last year than in the time I'd know him and his musical laughter was often present, if not in his voice, then in his topaz eyes. She is to Edward what Alice is to me – everything.

I'll never be as good as Carlisle at resisting, but one day I hope to be less of a burden to my family – always having to be watched when in public, afraid that I'll slip up, meaning that not only would one, or several, loose their lives, but we would have to move and start again. Even if a child fell and scrapped it's knee, it would be enough to set me off, and the consequences would be severe. I couldn't allow that to happen to Bella, so I chose to keep my distance when possible. I didn't want to appear cold, but it was safer for her.

We were both relatively quiet people, and were happy to just sit in out own thoughts, meaning I didn't have to talk, as talking required breathing, which triggered the sense of smell. It was better for everyone if I kept quiet. It usually put most people off – the silence. Added together with the intimidating beauty and often dark eyes, people stayed away from me. But not Bella. She was wary at first – it was a natural instinct, a defence mechanism – but that soon turned to fascination. She didn't care what we were, didn't care – or perhaps realise – how truly dangerous being around us was. What astounded me more was the fact that Edward was able to control his vampiristic nature so well. She was his _singer_ for God sakes! But Bella was able to see past all of that and see the good within each of us – the part of us that was still human, however minuscule it was. She didn't judge us and generally seemed to enjoy our company.

Bella seemed like a nice enough person, but I didn't dare get too close to her, not after the last time. I didn't trust myself around her, and I'd never forgive myself if I ever harmed her – or worse. I was glad that she would soon by one of us and wouldn't be so fragile or _human_.

She put the ice back on the table and walked up to me, taking my cold hand in her soft, warm one. "You have to know that I don't blame you for that," she said firmly.

"How can you not?" I asked. I felt no feeling of remorse coming from her. "I nearly killed you. I had no problem in drinking you dry. I don't even know how you can stand to be near me."

She just smiled softly, her chocolate brown eyes tender. "Because you couldn't help yourself. After Edward changes me, I'm sure I'll feel the same way."

I shook my head, honey blonde hair clouding my vision. "But I'm the reason Edward left you," I felt her tense, I knew she tried to block it from her mind. I sent out a wave of calm and she relaxed. "I turned what sound have been happy event into something…life threatening."

"Actually, I was the one that made it life threatening," she said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. Her scent filled my senses. I had hunted the previous night, but I knew that if she were to shed even one drop of precious blood, it wouldn't help either of us any good. "It was my fault."

"How?" I sighed in agitation. "You got a paper cut, Bella. Something that doesn't even need a Band-Aid, but you could have needed a coffin. I would have easily killed you if Emmett hadn't have stopped me."

"But you didn't, and that's all that matter's, Jasper. Don't dwell on what ifs. Believe me, it doesn't do you any good."

She looked so…broken as she spoke the words. The emotions she was feeling were once again like nothing I'd ever experienced. Pain, sorrow, loss, emptiness. She and Edward made a right pair.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled again.

"Stop apologising, you didn't do anything, you were just following your nature. You couldn't help it."

I looked away from her. "Everyone else could. Even Edward, and you know what your blood does to him."

Persistent and stubborn as ever, she carried on. "They all had to leave in the end. All except Carlisle."

"I'm weak," I said, finally admitting the truth.

"Jasper, there must be dozens of vampires out there who aren't strong enough to do what you do. You should be proud of yourself. And you are _not_ weak."

I let out a deep breath as her words sunk in. I didn't entirely choose this way of life, but I would do what ever it took to make Alice happy, so I became a 'vegetarian'. The words vegetarian and vampire didn't work well in the same sentence, but Carlisle provided great moral support constantly. Despite Alice's vision, I wasn't sure if I'd fit in with the Cullens. They were just so different from what I'd known and was used to; it didn't make sense to me at first. Now however, they were my family. Esme and Carlisle were my mother and father, and Edward, Emmett and Rosalie were my brothers and sister.

"When was the last time you tasted human blood?" Bella asked me, cautiously but curiously.

I shrugged. "I don't know. A decade maybe?"

That probably sounded like a lot of time to her, but it wasn't much to me. I don't think I'll ever forget the taste of sweet, fresh, young human blood. It just wasn't something you could forget, no matter how much you wanted to. I didn't want to be a monster. I didn't want to be a murderer. I didn't want to disappoint my family, but it was hard. Hard to fight something that came so naturally to me.

"Tell you what," she began, looking up at me. Even now she wasn't scared. She never ceased to amaze me. Always so selfless and unpredictable. "After Edward changes me, we can work on this together. We'll both overcome it. You are not weak Jasper Whitlock," she used my own name, instead of the one I usually go by, Hale – Rosalie's last name.

The thing that worried Bella most about becoming one of us was the uncontrollable thirst. She didn't care so much about the agonising pain that she was going to endure and the suffering that would follow, she only cared about keeping others safe. She hid her emotions well, but there was no disgusing them from me. She was scared she'd hurt someone close to her. Or anyone. She was the first one to choose this life willingly, I was hoping that that would be enough to help her. I didn't want her to have to go through the same thing I was.

She smiled. "We could even start a support group. Vampires Anonymous."

Nodding, I gave her hand a light squeeze in thanks, which she returned.

I smiled and looked at my watch. It was three minutes after midnight. Another day closer. "I look forward to getting to know you better, Bella."

_Fin_

_I hope I captured Jasper's 'voice'. Let me know if you can think of any ways in which I can improve._

_Zebbie_


End file.
